What is success?
Perpetual activity is one of the great hang-ups of contemporary society. And success, unfortunately today even in India like in Western culture, is almost without exception defined in terms of one's performance and achievements. That is, what one does. Rarely, if ever, is it defined in terms of an individual's growth and maturity. An artist's success is judged on the basis of his or her talents and performances, never on the person. A businessman's success is measured by the size of his company and bank balance, never on how his family feels toward him. His bleeding ulcers, multiple heart attacks or impaired relationships (or just lack of one) with his spouse / children simply are not seen.
There's nothing wrong with activity in itself. Not at all. To be mentally healthy, every person needs not only a happy family life, but also worthwhile interests of work into which he or she can put his or her heart. "Work is Worship" - no doubt. And the Vedas say that "if a man doesn't work, he shouldn't eat." True, but like all else, when this becomes the only and the focal point of your life, there is something wrong.
Work, busyness or activity, is only a problem when it is perpetual; that is, when it is compulsive or over-done. More often than not, this indicates that its roots lie in unresolved conflicts from the past. A background of a deprived childhood due to lack of money or the youth spent in making ends meet tend to make a person conscious of money earned and spent and everything in life is governed by these figures. A child brought up in an abusive household seeks oblivion in work. A lonely child seeks approval by becoming an over achiever, and so on and so forth. There are scores of examples of dysfunctional souls seeking solace in the humdrum activity of day to day existence. When marxism was being expounded in the erstwhile Soviet Union, people were discouraged from following any religion / faith and the dictum given to the Comrades against church goers was "If they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken. So let them go to church, read their Bibles, and have their conservative lifestyles, but steal their time so they do not have time to have an intimate fellowship with Christ. This is what I want you to do: keep them busy in the nonessentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds."
Clear your life of old Baggage
On the other hand, when some people come to terms with their true motives, they may need to change their whole life-style. Perpetual activity is an escape from inner pain. Like perpetual withdrawal, it is a sure sign of inner conflict. And unless a person honestly faces and resolves that conflict, it will drive him or her relentlessly to the grave. In fact, it isn't possible to live fully until one's inner conflicts and true motives are sorted out. Activity for the wrong motives profits nothing.
Most people are more concerned about their performance (and what others would think of their performance) than about relating to people. Their sense of self-worth is dependent on what she did rather than on who she was. Their achievements are measured by where they live, what they own, where they holiday, where they are seen, how they look...so much so, that the original inner self is buried under layers of Chanel/Lancome', so to speak, revealing a face which they want to project to the world. Over a period of time the persona becomes the person, which is when the tragedy has completed its run, leaving the owner a barren shell.
That is the time, when ageing affects a person because the external mask is slowly but surely slipping and they work harder, achieve more, earn more, spend more on preserving this facade and maybe at the end when they do realise that they frittered away their lives in unnecessary activity and how rich they could have made their lives, the frenetic pace of life has eroded life itself.
Be Careful how you Mould your Children
Invariably, their children too find their parents' love is fettered by the parents' idea of achievements. Approval is based entirely on their behavior and performance. If the child conforms to the parental over-control, he or she feels approval. If not, he or she feels rejection. Time and time again the child is put down. "You are so disorganised" "You do not know the value of money" "You are so aggravating - is this the time to wake up? Its 9am" "No more TV - see Sanju/Vivek etc. see how they study - why can't you be more like them? If they can get 90% why can't you?" "Be quiet." "Stop that music" "You're hopeless." "You'll never amount to anything." etc etc. and there is born another future workaholic who will be a person who again weighs his worth against his bank balance and designation in his company. After years of this type of conditioning, the child is programmed to feel not okay about him or herself. The rest of this person's life is spent in perpetual activity trying to prove to him or herself that he or she does amount to something.
Another person keeps over-active to avoid getting close to people. He or she has been hurt before and doesn't want to get hurt again. But that's a different story.
Whatever the cause, if the over-active person sits still for long, his or her inner pain of not feeling okay begins to rise to consciousness. He or she then feels empty, bored, lonely, tired, depressed, or restless. To quieten this discomfiture, he or she just keeps busy, busy, busy.
One escapes his or her pain by becoming an alcoholic. Another, a workaholic. Basically, there's no difference. Addiction of any sort is bad - unfortunately, the world today sanctions the latter and even crowns it with awards, pushing an already beleaguered mind over the edge.
Self - Worth
One of the most important lessons in life for every individual to learn and teach his or her children is this: One's worth as a person is never dependent on his or her performance—good or bad. Every person is worthwhile because he or she has been created by God in his image, and loved fully and unconditionally by him.
Those caught in this overactive trap and those who don't feel okay about themselves need to reprogram their feelings of self-worth. One way to do this is to pray out loud each day: "Thank you, God, that you love and accept me exactly as I am without my having to do anything. And because you love and accept me as I am, I love and accept me as I am, too."
Live the Moment
There is only one thing which is paramount in life - The Present. Neither is the future known nor will the past be redeemed, but this very moment is ours to enjoy - it is a gift.
I have seen families at expensive restaurants out for a dinner - the husband is busy on his mobile phone talking to some colleague/friend, wife is ditto and the children are if small, making a nuisance of themselves or if older, likewise on another phone/glaring at their parents. sad...what was the purpose of a family outing? People today go on a holiday but with their cell phones, lap tops, ipads, ipods etc etc. in short - they carry everything to continue their daily work - only the venue is changed. Parents are after children to achieve and get a job in maybe America/Europe, wherever and then when they are old, the children are gone, the bank balance is healthy but they are not.
Activity read work, has also to be taken as one of the things in life, not the only thing in life. This chakravyuha of job - money - feeling of achievement, is delusional and just as after a high on uppers come the crashing lows, so do people feel bereft as they age. Instead a balanced life with contentment based on relationships, love and enough money to satisfy their daily wants makes the life richer and fuller.
Live - Don't Exist
A great job and a hefty investment portfolio is cold comfort in the winter of life. Invest wisely - invest your youth, your energy, your time in building a well rounded life, complete with loving family and friends, caring children, a home built more on happiness, trust, love and understanding not just the best fabrics/furniture that money can buy. Earn enough to live a dignified life, lavish in its completeness. Work to live not live to work. Don't wait till you retire to do something that you love, don't be so busy that your life is bereft and barren of life. Live - don't exist!
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